Filled With Love

It's currently 1:48am and I am wide awake. I just got in from a date with J and am still winding down, so I figured I would share my thoughts and feelings with the world, or whoever is awake at this hour :) (DISCLAIMER: I'm not drunk, or even near it...)

This was the first week in awhile that J had to actually work on a Friday. Between work and school for the both of us, as well as my emotions being so out of whack, it has been a rough week for us both. We saw each other on Tuesday for a random Happy Hour and study session, where I was able to get to brainstorm some ideas for his research paper that I am writing (that I should be finishing up right now), as well as to watch Teen Mom. I was pretty disappointed because I feel like my weekend doesn't officially start till when I am with him (cheesy, I know), so my unusually long and draining week seemed even longer till I saw him at C's soccer game today.

It feels really good to know that even though J worked a 24 hour shift yesterday, got off work this morning and went to school to complete a final, and went to get a haircut afterwards, he still wanted to be there for C's game, when he could have opted to stay home and rest for a bit. I find it to be so incredibly sexy to know that he cares about C on a level that no one else has ever cared for him before, including his own "father". To have a man in my life that doesn't mind going out of his way to support my son when he doesn't have to feels so good inside. I am an incredibly lucky woman and I thank God everyday.

One of my favorite comics of all time is Anjelah Johnson. She is hilarious and I have always had a dream of meeting her. I would have to admit, I have a major girl crush on her. Not only is she beautiful, she is funny and someone who I would love to have as a friend. When I found out she was going to be performing her standup show nearby, I jumped at the chance and bought a pair of tickets for J and I to go. I have never been to a comedy show, so I was excited that my first time would be to see her.

J and I made a date night out of Anjelah's show. After C's soccer game, we came to my house and I got ready really quick. It had been awhile since I had gotten pretty for J, so it felt good to put some makeup on and a dress. I know how much he appreciates and enjoys when I do. We went to Taps, a brewery and fish house, where we enjoyed some delicious drinks and an overpriced dinner. It was a little pricey, but we enjoyed our dinner on the patio of the restaurant, basking in the sunlight on a beautiful evening. I love how no matter what, it never feels like we are tired of each other. It quite frequently feels like we're at the beginning stages of our relationship, and I love it. The attraction I feel for him is so amazing. I have never felt butterflies this far into a relationship with anyone like I do with him.

After dinner, we walked over to the Improv and stood in line. We stood and talked and stood and I complained about how my feet hurt in my heels and we stood some more. I was adamant about getting there early because it was a sold out show. I wanted to make sure we got a good seat, and that we did. We stood in line for a little over an hour and were finally let it, and we were just a row away from the stage. I was so happy.

As excited as I was to go to the show, I didn't think I would've had as great of a time as I did. I haven't laughed as hard as I did in a long time. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so much. I was almost afraid I was going to lose a fake eyelash. It really feels good to be able to laugh like that with J by my side. The comedic relief was almost what we needed as I don't think either of us had laughed that much in awhile.

After the show, there was an opportunity to meet Anjelah. That was definitely an opportunity I didn't want to miss. J had left his card back at the restaurant, so he went back to retrieve it while I stayed in line. It meant a lot to me that he understood this how much it meant to me to meet her, and he even understood more when I wanted a picture with her and didn't include him in it, even though he mentioned "FAIL" a few times.

By the end of the night, I know that J was absolutely exhausted. My poor boyfriend looked beat. When we were driving and I tried talking to him and realized he had fallen asleep for a few minutes, I looked over at him and realized how much I love this man. Everything he has done and said to me and every moment we have gone through together for nearly 8 months came to my mind. I couldn't help but smile because I felt like I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Never in my life have I experienced or known a love like this. As far as I am concerned, I never even thought that it existed. I always thought that love as strong as ours only existed in fairy tales, and I especially never thought a girl like me who has been through as much as I have would have the opportunity to feel the way that I do, and to have someone feel the same way about me. I am so incredibly blessed that J loves and accepts me for all that I am and am not. I am blessed that he loves me as a single mom, a birthmom, a woman, and a person who has mistakes in her past, and that he never casts judgements on the bad choices I made prior to having him in my life. I love him for all the hardwork and sacrifices he has made to get ahead and I admire his dedication to a better life. I firmly believe that J is my soulmate and the missing piece to my puzzle and I couldn't imagine life any other way.