Tangled is basically the Disney version of Rapunzel. She was the daughter of the king and queen of the land they lived in who was taken and raised by a mean woman when she was a baby. Rapunzel wasn't allowed to leave the tower she lived in, but when she turned 18, she snuck out to see the lanterns that were released every year on her birthday. She eventually found out she was the missing princess and was reunited with her parents.
In the movie, there was a scene where it was her birthday, and the king and queen were so sad. C asked me if I would be sad if my son was taken away from me. I said of course. I said, "I understand how they feel. I miss my daughter everyday." C looked at me with alarm and said "Whaaaat? What are you talking about, mom?" I said, "Hope, baby. Hope is my daughter. She's your sister." He said, "No mom, Hope has parents. She's not your daughter." I tried to explain that she came from my tummy to their arms. It was a pretty difficult conversation to have with a 7 year old so we just continued to watch the movie.
Later on, C mentioned something about how the mean lady had adopted Rapunzel. I paused the movie and asked him if he knew what adoption meant and he said, "Yes, mom. Adoption is when people who can't have a baby are given a baby by someone who doesn't want theirs." I explained to him that that wasn't the case. I told him that just because someone is placed for adoption doesn't mean that their birthparent didn't want them, it meant that they loved them enough to give them a life that they wouldn't be able to give them have they stayed with them. It was a pretty heavy talk that resulted in me staying up till 3:30am with so many thoughts running through my head.
I have tried to be open with C as much as I possibly could about Hope since the very beginning. Although he wasn't even two years old yet when she was born, I have tried my best to talk about her and share with him that he has a sister. I don't think he ever really believed it because this "sister" was no where around. I have tried to share pictures of her, but realized that each time someone mentioned how much they looked alike, he would act out. It wasn't until last night that I realized he fully doesn't understand the situation and that worries me.
I am worried that as C gets older and learns more, he will grow to resent me. He wants a sibling so bad, and the fact that he has one who he doesn't know, and it's all my fault, makes me feel pretty bad. I know I made the right choice, as they both wouldn't be able to live the life they live if it weren't for my choice to place her for adoption, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just pray he'll understand, I pray they both will.
I thought about trying to explain more about adoption and the situation with Hope, but I don't want to push more on my little guy than I have to. I want him to keep hold of his innocence and never let it go. I want him to be a normal kid, not having to think or worry about the mistakes and choices I have made in the past. I figure that I will tell him more as he gets older if we are stuck in the same situation.
Leave it up to a Disney movie to leave me just as Tangled as Rapunzel's hair. I am glad we got to watch the movie together, and it was a great movie, but I'm not so glad about the unexpected conversation that came from it with C. But, such is another day in the life of a mom who is also a birthmom.
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