Too Busy

It's so amazing how rapidly time flies and how rapidly things change. It seems like only yesterday, I was blogging about the decision to make a change in my life and start on my Bachelor's. Here I am, in the midst of week 3 out of my first ten week course, travelling full speed towards success. I'm making things happen, one day at a time, and I have never felt better about myself.

It feels so good to enjoy the fruits of my labor by seeing the grades I have earned weekly. Each 100 under my name is one step closer to getting an A, that I know I deserve.

With all this focus and time being spent on school, I have no time to be emotional over the fact that in about a month from now, my beautiful baby girl will be 6. No time to cry and be sad. Just time to be motivated and determined to finish and be one step closer to completing my goals. Once my goals are completed, I know I will have reached the ultimate happiness.

I really appreciate J and the support he has given me. It feels good when we find ourselves sacrificing our usual movie nights on the couch for homework time at the kitchen table. I love knowing that we keep each other balanced and that we are growing together. We are both making the sacrifices necessary to have that dream house, cars, vacations, and family that we always dreamed of. It is truly the best feeling to know that we are doing this together and plan on being there for every step of the way with one another.

I love my life, and I love the people who are actively in it. I love my amazing boyfriend and my wonderful son because they push me to strive for success and to reach my goals. The two of them, as well as little Miss Hope, make me want to be the best person I could possibly be and so much more. Yay for finally being in a good place in my life. It's so well deserved after all I have been through. Granted I am allowed my bad days, I don't desire to feel anything other than the way I feel right now - happy.

Filled With Love

It's currently 1:48am and I am wide awake. I just got in from a date with J and am still winding down, so I figured I would share my thoughts and feelings with the world, or whoever is awake at this hour :) (DISCLAIMER: I'm not drunk, or even near it...)

This was the first week in awhile that J had to actually work on a Friday. Between work and school for the both of us, as well as my emotions being so out of whack, it has been a rough week for us both. We saw each other on Tuesday for a random Happy Hour and study session, where I was able to get to brainstorm some ideas for his research paper that I am writing (that I should be finishing up right now), as well as to watch Teen Mom. I was pretty disappointed because I feel like my weekend doesn't officially start till when I am with him (cheesy, I know), so my unusually long and draining week seemed even longer till I saw him at C's soccer game today.

It feels really good to know that even though J worked a 24 hour shift yesterday, got off work this morning and went to school to complete a final, and went to get a haircut afterwards, he still wanted to be there for C's game, when he could have opted to stay home and rest for a bit. I find it to be so incredibly sexy to know that he cares about C on a level that no one else has ever cared for him before, including his own "father". To have a man in my life that doesn't mind going out of his way to support my son when he doesn't have to feels so good inside. I am an incredibly lucky woman and I thank God everyday.

One of my favorite comics of all time is Anjelah Johnson. She is hilarious and I have always had a dream of meeting her. I would have to admit, I have a major girl crush on her. Not only is she beautiful, she is funny and someone who I would love to have as a friend. When I found out she was going to be performing her standup show nearby, I jumped at the chance and bought a pair of tickets for J and I to go. I have never been to a comedy show, so I was excited that my first time would be to see her.

J and I made a date night out of Anjelah's show. After C's soccer game, we came to my house and I got ready really quick. It had been awhile since I had gotten pretty for J, so it felt good to put some makeup on and a dress. I know how much he appreciates and enjoys when I do. We went to Taps, a brewery and fish house, where we enjoyed some delicious drinks and an overpriced dinner. It was a little pricey, but we enjoyed our dinner on the patio of the restaurant, basking in the sunlight on a beautiful evening. I love how no matter what, it never feels like we are tired of each other. It quite frequently feels like we're at the beginning stages of our relationship, and I love it. The attraction I feel for him is so amazing. I have never felt butterflies this far into a relationship with anyone like I do with him.

After dinner, we walked over to the Improv and stood in line. We stood and talked and stood and I complained about how my feet hurt in my heels and we stood some more. I was adamant about getting there early because it was a sold out show. I wanted to make sure we got a good seat, and that we did. We stood in line for a little over an hour and were finally let it, and we were just a row away from the stage. I was so happy.

As excited as I was to go to the show, I didn't think I would've had as great of a time as I did. I haven't laughed as hard as I did in a long time. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so much. I was almost afraid I was going to lose a fake eyelash. It really feels good to be able to laugh like that with J by my side. The comedic relief was almost what we needed as I don't think either of us had laughed that much in awhile.

After the show, there was an opportunity to meet Anjelah. That was definitely an opportunity I didn't want to miss. J had left his card back at the restaurant, so he went back to retrieve it while I stayed in line. It meant a lot to me that he understood this how much it meant to me to meet her, and he even understood more when I wanted a picture with her and didn't include him in it, even though he mentioned "FAIL" a few times.

By the end of the night, I know that J was absolutely exhausted. My poor boyfriend looked beat. When we were driving and I tried talking to him and realized he had fallen asleep for a few minutes, I looked over at him and realized how much I love this man. Everything he has done and said to me and every moment we have gone through together for nearly 8 months came to my mind. I couldn't help but smile because I felt like I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Never in my life have I experienced or known a love like this. As far as I am concerned, I never even thought that it existed. I always thought that love as strong as ours only existed in fairy tales, and I especially never thought a girl like me who has been through as much as I have would have the opportunity to feel the way that I do, and to have someone feel the same way about me. I am so incredibly blessed that J loves and accepts me for all that I am and am not. I am blessed that he loves me as a single mom, a birthmom, a woman, and a person who has mistakes in her past, and that he never casts judgements on the bad choices I made prior to having him in my life. I love him for all the hardwork and sacrifices he has made to get ahead and I admire his dedication to a better life. I firmly believe that J is my soulmate and the missing piece to my puzzle and I couldn't imagine life any other way.

Happy Face

I feel like I have so many things to write about, yet I don't know where to start from. Maybe from the beginning... wait, I'm not even sure what the beginning is... lol

J and I have been spending more time together. Well, actually, not this past week, but the week before, we saw each other nearly 6 days in a row. How's that for complaining about not seeing each other enough? lol Too bad that with the exception of a date to dinner and the movies that Thursday, we were hardly alone AT ALL all weekend. While I love, love, love spending time with my little family (J and C) as well as with J's nephew, I need some alone time with my honey for more than 5 minutes! Learning how to deal with that has definitely been a challenge!

Aside from all of that, we have been doing quite well. The topic of marrige has come up alot lately, and I have become even more obsessed with wedding and engagement photography sites, as well as have signed up for David's Bridal emails... (geeze, I'm such a loser). We went to a Dodger game with C a few weeks ago and they handed us a catalog from Daniel's Jewler and J said "I better look through this because 18 months will be here sooner than we know." It made me feel good to know that the topic of marriage is not just something I think about, but so does he. It's exciting that we both are working towards the same goal by taking care of ourselves so that we may be able to take care of each other, as well as have a family of our own. I have to admit, though, the thought of being his Mrs. gives me chills. He truly completes me.

We have been doing a lot more activities with C, and honestly, I find myself falling more and more in love with J through his interactions with my son. They get along so well, so much better than C has ever gotten along with any other male I have brought around him. They play well together and C loves to give "group hugs" between the three of us which really make my day. I love getting texts at the end of the night from J about how much C is growing on him, and it makes me happy to know that he doesn't just care about me, he accepts the whole package and really cares about him too. I have never before experienced such a positive dating experience with someone who truly cares about the lil guy who comes along with me, so it's pretty amazing that this is everything I could've ever asked for, and MORE.

Everything in my life seems to be falling into place. Work is work, and last week marked 5 years since I have been here. I have a love/hate relationship with my job at times, but I am thankful for the relationships I have built here. Most of all, I am thankful for all the free advice I get from all these therapists. I have really been learning a lot about myself and my relationships, with my boyfriend, my family and my friends. I do my best not to react on a whim and to think things thru a little more carefully before I say or do something without thinking. It's been amazing to see my growth during this time, and I am truly appreciative of all that this job has prepared me to be.

Speaking of preparing me, today marks my first OFFICIAL day of school. I am currently on my way to obtaining my Bachelor's degree and I couldn't be happier. I am excited and slightly overwhelmed with the idea that this next class is a whopping 6 units. I cannot remember the last time I wrote a quarter-long research paper, but I have obviously done it before, and I can definitely do it again. I am determined to make this college experience a success and not disappoint the people who are supporting me, including J, C, J's family and my parents. I know it won't be an easy path, but I am definitely looking forward to the challenge...

J will be done in two weeks with his first set of classes. It's amazing to me how quickly nearly 8 weeks have gone by. It's probably a good indication of how quickly 18 months will pass and how quick it will be before he is done with school. It seems like just yesterday I was obsessing over how much this would change our relationship, and even though it has, we have been able to work through it and around it to make the best and most out of our time together.

Time flying for J's schooling is almost as amzing to me as to how fast it seems we have gotten to 7 months in of our relationship. Last week marked our 7 month anniversary. J said that 7 months was a far greater milestone to him than 6 months. I think it has alot more to do with the fact that the longer we are together, the closer we get to the one year mark, which is definitely a major milestone. It's amazing how effortless this relationship has been. I mean, don't get me wrong, it has taken work on both parts, and definitely some learning to get us to where we are at today, but the ease as to which this relationship has come with has been so utterly amazing to me. We don't fight or argue, and if we get into any tiffs, it's usually because we are frustrated and miss each other. We do our best to maximize the little bit of time we get together, and I appreciate every single moment I get with him by my side, whether it's alone or with other people.

People always comment on how happy I look in my pictures on Facebook or even in person, and the best part about it is I FEEL that happy. I don't think I could say I've ever been this GENUINELY in my whole life. I feel so complete, and granted yes, there are things that are missing from my life like a degree and a fabulous job and a place of my own, but as of right now, I have what I need and it doesn't get any better than this.